I Should Have Stayed With My Ex

If you are having doubts about whether you and your ex should have separated, you’re not alone. Plenty of others have felt the same way. Second thoughts are typical. They key is to analyze the reasons you are giving yourself about WHY you think the relationship was meant to be, after-all.

If your ex was right for you, the relationship wouldn’t have ended with one of you leaving it to pursue other options. When you have this feeling and act on it, one can assume it’s a “gut” feeling you’ve received. In other words, something gave you a warning sign that things were not meant to work out. Whether you saw it that way or not, chances are, it was a TRUE reaction.

Are you coming to the conclusion that you should have stayed with your ex after you or your ex broke away from the relationship only to find that the grass really ISN’T greener on the other side? What you need to think about, is that, as humans we enjoy COMFORTABLE relationships – the “old standby”. Even if the relationship really isn’t a good one, we tend to go back to what we know. This is a vicious cycle that needs to stop. Perhaps it’s time to look forward and not look back. You’ll always find good reasons that will take you back to your comfortable relationship. Chances are, the comforts won’t be enough after a while, and you’ll repeat the break-up cycle again.

Sometimes the breaking point in relationships is when you “come out” with being a couple. Things are fine and both of you are happy and content… while it was a secret. Then, when you start to tell people, it’s not as fun. The mystery and romance has worn off and now, what’s left? That happens A LOT. Don’t think it’s just your relationship. Often, it’s the secrecy of the relationship that keeps it together! Again, this would be the time to move on and do some things you enjoy for a while instead of focusing on the past relationship.

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If you do come to the conclusion that this was really not a good relationship and what you miss is just the good times, you’ll be able to move forward. You’ll have closure because you’ve decided it’s not worth your time. You can chalk it up to a lesson learned.

The flip-side of the coin would be to decide it IS worth having a chat with your ex to see if there can be a resolution and a possible chance at starting over. If that’s the case, you’ll also feel confident that you’ve thought it through. Most importantly, take it easy, one step at a time. If the relationship is really meant to be, it will happen on its own.